she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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