happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
