with your own penis?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
