she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
is wine microwaveable?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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