When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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