I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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