Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
