A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
