I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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