Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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