i permit you to call me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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