You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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