Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
