great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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