best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
