You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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