Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
