Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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