please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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