Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
