So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
