he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
