When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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