You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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