i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
