Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
