Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
