this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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