i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
