My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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