C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hippo gnu deer
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
