It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
