dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
