this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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