So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
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He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
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You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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