You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
