you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Boobs are out for the taking
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
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