I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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