this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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