so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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