we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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