I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
