Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
