She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
