I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
