I don't usually arrange sex via text message
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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