hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
