mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
