Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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