Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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