i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my sisters under your porch take her home
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
