i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
