Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
