Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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