So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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