Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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