Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
