Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
