for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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