I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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