I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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