when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Your cock deserves a montage
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
