Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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