I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
