I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
