Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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