We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
