I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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