that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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