She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
