lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
