I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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