it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
