I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Small penises have feelings too.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
