somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
