I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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