you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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