i used baking grease as lip gloss
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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